imperfections

had a great dinner last night. was talking when a friend suddenly mentioned, "i dont know whether it's normal or am i being too "calvary". haha. it was so funny but so true. sigh.
i guess back there it was all about how good we can sing, how good we can play, how good we looked, how good we sounded.

we sounded great, we looked great, we performed well. to an extent we even had youth concerts, shows, productions and got one big crowd of audience.

it started off well, a sacrifice.
then it became a show for the world.

our first time here, many could not even concentrate on worship. the music was too loud and the mics too soft, is something wrong with the sound system, why arent the singers giving signs to change, or giving signs to the musicians to change, theyre not singing in sync, the beats were off, why hasnt the screen changed to the chorus yet?

lol it sounded weird at first, dont get me wrong. it was good, but it wasnt anything like back then. music back there sounded great, after 12341234 hours of practice every week. ppl there were disciplined, on their toes, the lyrics had to be in sync, the singers would hv to come in on cue, ready to get their show on, and to make it look great.
cz they know if it didnt, they would hv to go up to the "holy of holies" and "get it" for an hour or more.

it wouldn't be a sacrifice then would it, if they were forced to give their best, till it became a burden, or worse, a show.

talked to waikin quite some time ago.
told him abt all the stuff we did back then. and said something like if u think they sound good here, u should come to calvary some day last time.
lol and he said sth like: thats cz u just pick those who are great, but not those who worship.

then it dawned on me how we were always emphasizing on being perfect back there. being great for the world to see. it was great for the world, but was it of any value at all to God

sometimes being good, does not mean it is right; being great, does not mean that it is of any worth.

guess we focused too much on what the world will think of us, rather than what does God think of it

we hid our imperfections, first from the world, and then from God.
ps andy said " let ur scars be someone else's stars". it really should be.

funny how a church has become a place for the perfects, and not the imperfects. the ppl who drink, who smoke, or who are different or weird in our eyes, it is like ppl are even embarrassed by their presence in church. that church would not be a holy place anymore, with these inside.

and He loves us the same.

guess we are still like that deep down. still imperfect, as much as them. and even more. what gives us the right to look at them differently, the right to judge.

at least they've got nothing to hide from the world or from Him.
why can't we be like that too.
instead of giving something that was great, why can't we give something of worth.
instead of being perfect, i guess sometimes it is when we are imperfect that God can do more. but we need to show Him that in the first place.

But he replied, "My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak." So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am. Yes, I am glad to be weak or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong.
2 corinthians 12:9-10

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are

no time no time no time no time no time :((((

am writing like 5 and a half essays per day *pats self on the back*
but its not enoughhh rawrrrr!!!

i still have to flip the book while writing every single thing. ugh what a loser.

rahhh! i dowana study anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeee :(

my friends just cried yday.
one called her dad and he was like: dun worry ah girl.. i saved up money for u to study another year ady. ur only 20 yrs old, theres still a long way to go. u dont need to finish everything in 3 yrs.

O.O her dad is soooo merciful!!

if i fail, my parents are gonna killlll meeee
i dont think there would even be a body for anyone to see and mourn

gahh! i need a bigger brain :(

and i need to buy pens to write in exams! o gosh i NEVER buy pens
theyre such a waste of money when u can just pick them up from the floor
but these few days, the students in help hv nt been very generous.
my cousin said i used to be able to get like 2 pens in 5 days.
now i get like 1 pen in 3 weeks? :(

it was even better in high school, when the pens were g2s and g1s
oh the joy of discovering one of them on the floor and adopting it
after asking the ppl around whether anyone dropped their pen of course.
and of course u only ask like 5 ppl? haha :D

its reasonable right? 5 ppl. ive tried reasonably to find the owner. so it's not theft right??
:D

but now ppl have gotten stingy. maybe its the economic i guess, ever since it got worse.
nobody leaves pens around anymore :(

and the one i want costs around rm1.50!
SO EXPENSIVE! sigh.

deposits

come back! :( it wasnt enough

exams are like 3 weeks away? lol i guess it is about time to start panicking.
i need a wake up call.

had a good laugh today with the gang. haha power socket kononnya, with a switch and the wire to go with it.


had this thought somewhere last year end. its kindof fading away now,
shall write this thought down before it leaves my memory.

how did we come to love Him in the first place? what passed through our minds when we were kids in that CW class saying that sinner's prayer? i can tell u mine was yay, now i wont end up in hell. yes, clearly it wasnt purely out of love.

love for Him was once 'so that i can go to heaven' or rather 'so that i will not burn in hell'

take heaven and hell away from the picture,
will our love still be the same? will we still choose Him in the first place
was our love for our salvation more than our love for Him.
how more conditional can our love for Him be?

when are we going to love Him for what He is.

funny how it doesnt matter to Him whether He is what we choose eventually.
His love, unconditional


we love, because He first loved us - 1john 4:19
dont think He knows of the word 'because' when it comes to love, He just loves.

crisis

help conveniently decided to reformat their computers in the law library on sat :(( how nice of them

how do i harvest my plants nowww?? :((

the library has lost its purpose

need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm

monday morning rain

it started off with the cramps
then there was the beloved slipper with one side bitten off by smokie or pepper, or maybe it was smokie AND pepper. -.-
homework due in half an hours time, for contract tutorial. ugh


and it's raining outside. sigh monday morning rain.
this day is already gloomy enough


and there's zayani leaving tonight at 9pm :(

distortion

it started off blank. then we started the colouring
simple was good, but to us it still looked empty.
then we went on with the colours, they were still bright at first
but we did not stop there, when we should have.
then they became dull as we added more and mixed them up
in hope that it we can bring it back to where it was, when it was bright and colouful
it is when the paper turns black that we stop, confused.
what have we been doing all long?
then we wish to erase it, to make it white again,
it looked its best then, when it was simple
only now do we realize

UMPQUA!

baking at nat's place in DU after class last thurs :)
spent 1 hour deciding what to bake before heading off to bake with yen to get supplies
finally decided on a brownie tart, no i still dont know why it has such a name
it was awesome! of course with a little rum and UMPQUA!

baker 1: singhuey! the camera man and our driver to pasar malamm

baker 2 : the weird cousin of mine- shuwei . she was busy arranging her 'products' and trying to persuade everyone to buy them while everyone else was figuring how to poke the brownie tart to fill it with the ganache -.- dont worry u will get to see her 'products' later. she was trying to sell me that yellow one on the top haha

baker 3: the head baker nathalie! holding the wooden spoon to poke the cake. haha singhuey thinking of the right positions for the holes

the brownie tart before

the brownie tart after. sigh i know we have to do sth to make it more presentable haha but it was awesomee!! thick, compressed and nutty, rummy with UMPQUA!

and the moment everyone has been waiting for. tadah! haha she was busy colour coordinating them -.- they're actually coffee powder! nat has this high tech coffee maker at home where u boil the milk and stick one of these in and voila! out comes the coffee! the darker the colour the more intense i think. and some of them actually have a nice fruity flavour to it. and they have weird names! haha i only remember volluto! loll

this is...

this is nathalie, getting her barbie doll colour hair wrap. and that is the very mean lady doing it for her. lol

i wanted it too!! then we can look super cool :) but by the time we got back the mean lady was gone sigh
shall go on fri with stephanie maybe before cell

this is Joy, Chewy's first puppy. i know, she looks more like a bear right??

i think she needs a better hair cut lol poor girl. i dont think Joy liked what shuwei did to her too haha

tabby's rat :) i kindof miss seeing it around

oh and this is deborah's Octy :) trying to swallow a car. she would like to shake leghands with u but she doesnt stick much

kertankongchinyee

a day out for the KER, TAN, KONG, CHIN and maybe the YEE

:)


better days are coming