imperfections

had a great dinner last night. was talking when a friend suddenly mentioned, "i dont know whether it's normal or am i being too "calvary". haha. it was so funny but so true. sigh.
i guess back there it was all about how good we can sing, how good we can play, how good we looked, how good we sounded.

we sounded great, we looked great, we performed well. to an extent we even had youth concerts, shows, productions and got one big crowd of audience.

it started off well, a sacrifice.
then it became a show for the world.

our first time here, many could not even concentrate on worship. the music was too loud and the mics too soft, is something wrong with the sound system, why arent the singers giving signs to change, or giving signs to the musicians to change, theyre not singing in sync, the beats were off, why hasnt the screen changed to the chorus yet?

lol it sounded weird at first, dont get me wrong. it was good, but it wasnt anything like back then. music back there sounded great, after 12341234 hours of practice every week. ppl there were disciplined, on their toes, the lyrics had to be in sync, the singers would hv to come in on cue, ready to get their show on, and to make it look great.
cz they know if it didnt, they would hv to go up to the "holy of holies" and "get it" for an hour or more.

it wouldn't be a sacrifice then would it, if they were forced to give their best, till it became a burden, or worse, a show.

talked to waikin quite some time ago.
told him abt all the stuff we did back then. and said something like if u think they sound good here, u should come to calvary some day last time.
lol and he said sth like: thats cz u just pick those who are great, but not those who worship.

then it dawned on me how we were always emphasizing on being perfect back there. being great for the world to see. it was great for the world, but was it of any value at all to God

sometimes being good, does not mean it is right; being great, does not mean that it is of any worth.

guess we focused too much on what the world will think of us, rather than what does God think of it

we hid our imperfections, first from the world, and then from God.
ps andy said " let ur scars be someone else's stars". it really should be.

funny how a church has become a place for the perfects, and not the imperfects. the ppl who drink, who smoke, or who are different or weird in our eyes, it is like ppl are even embarrassed by their presence in church. that church would not be a holy place anymore, with these inside.

and He loves us the same.

guess we are still like that deep down. still imperfect, as much as them. and even more. what gives us the right to look at them differently, the right to judge.

at least they've got nothing to hide from the world or from Him.
why can't we be like that too.
instead of giving something that was great, why can't we give something of worth.
instead of being perfect, i guess sometimes it is when we are imperfect that God can do more. but we need to show Him that in the first place.

But he replied, "My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak." So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am. Yes, I am glad to be weak or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong.
2 corinthians 12:9-10

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are

no time no time no time no time no time :((((

am writing like 5 and a half essays per day *pats self on the back*
but its not enoughhh rawrrrr!!!

i still have to flip the book while writing every single thing. ugh what a loser.

rahhh! i dowana study anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeee :(

my friends just cried yday.
one called her dad and he was like: dun worry ah girl.. i saved up money for u to study another year ady. ur only 20 yrs old, theres still a long way to go. u dont need to finish everything in 3 yrs.

O.O her dad is soooo merciful!!

if i fail, my parents are gonna killlll meeee
i dont think there would even be a body for anyone to see and mourn

gahh! i need a bigger brain :(

and i need to buy pens to write in exams! o gosh i NEVER buy pens
theyre such a waste of money when u can just pick them up from the floor
but these few days, the students in help hv nt been very generous.
my cousin said i used to be able to get like 2 pens in 5 days.
now i get like 1 pen in 3 weeks? :(

it was even better in high school, when the pens were g2s and g1s
oh the joy of discovering one of them on the floor and adopting it
after asking the ppl around whether anyone dropped their pen of course.
and of course u only ask like 5 ppl? haha :D

its reasonable right? 5 ppl. ive tried reasonably to find the owner. so it's not theft right??
:D

but now ppl have gotten stingy. maybe its the economic i guess, ever since it got worse.
nobody leaves pens around anymore :(

and the one i want costs around rm1.50!
SO EXPENSIVE! sigh.