Sunday, November 15, 2009

to walk on water

i dunoohhh

i don't know whether i should go 4 yrs straight to perth or do a 1 year twinning to uk.

guess im kindof scared to go to perth after all, or im afraid that im not ready? sigh i don't know..

im thinking maybe it's the security i get here. the safe comfortable feeling, knowing how everything here works and all. and friends. yea biggest part of that
hving left calvary and all, we hug on to every chance of stability or comfort. and it's seriously great to find security in another group of ppl. having formed stable friendships in just 3 months?. and i mean really really stable ones.

i dont even think that i had anything like this in the past few years. where u actually feel wanted and loved
where u actually know that the stuff u had and shared with the other person will still be there the next week.
or u actually know that they are gonna talk to you
i guess it's like you don't have to be in doubt or have the insecure feeling, thinking everytime u walk into the place whether this person or that person will talk to you or whether they will choose to ignore you this time, whether the stuff u had or shared with them will last a week.
whether that friendship we had, did it last a week?

sometime a few months back we stopped pretending to guess, because that guessing thing stopped. because at one point we didn't need to guess anymore because we actually know this time round

and how can i leave this? now that i've found it

don't know whether im strong enough to leave the security i've found here
sigh.. but u never know what He has in store for you
have a feeling that i need to go over, to take that step of faith and surrender all to Him

sigh but i really don't have the guts to walk on water
but then u will never change right?

sometimes it's just so hard to do the stuff You want to do u know??? rah

1 comments:

Ern Chee said...

Pray about it! i believe u will find good frens no matter where u go. God will provide =)