today's file

ever thought how our days are like files?
made up of a number of papers, some highlighted sentences where special things took place, which will then form our only memory of the day;
and maybe special notes which form our mental "note to self", all filed up into one colored file, maybe a rainbow shade from jan to dec.
Everyday it ends when the clock strikes 12, with the clicking of the metal binder and the titling of the file infront - 29 september 2010

let me show u my file today.

today i woke up at 6am, along with more than half the population of malaysia to go to coll, which starts at 8am.
i bought taufufa from the van, got a free nasi lemak from Acts' Church Help Campus Revo team. felt really blessed by it, and it kindof made my day, and my day lasted till 4pm.

today i went for my evidence tutorial, which was kindof a waste of time, and so i slept during the last 10 mins of class. i accidentally drew a line on mumbles' face, his jaw to be specific, and spent 5 minutes trying to get rid of the stain with my sanitizer.

today i went down to the mamak after class, laughed along with some friends, drank a few sips of my friend's drink which i cannot remember what it was now

today i skipped contract tutorial, cz it was our first, and she probably wasnt going to do much. had KFC for lunch with a few friends, watched the pipe explode and water gushing upwards near the toilet.

today i had another meet up with sarah and jaylyn and gang, to talk about cardiff , what we were gonna do over there, all the places to see and people to meet. and we tried our best to get jaylyn to go this year . heh tough luck.

today hanna tan and i spent an hr in the library choosing subjects for 2nd year, thinking of our future ahead, where hanna tan said she's gonna work for UN, and all i said was im not gonna take a 30 credit EU law.

today we spent another 45 mins in the mamak again, talking and laughing and basically waiting for time to pass

today i followed hanna tan to mainblock to take her visa pic AGAIN, cz she lost hers -.-
which she found later on

today hanna tan dropped me at KA, and i was gonna follow my mom back, and she was gonna pick her sister.

today i went online while waiting for my mom

today i found out a friend died.


i wonder what was he doing today before the accident. how was his day like, who did he meet, who did he talk to, what did he do

he couldve gotten up early too, just like the rest of us, maybe to rush an assignment, to get breakfast, to catch a train, to go to a meeting. what did he wake up to?

what were his plans for the day, im sure he had some, unlike some of us who just wanted to pass time, and get the day over with.

what did he slot into his file today? what were the highlighted things and the small notes written on the papers?

and to think we were making plans for year 2 and 3,

some of us dont even make it through the day.

today i went for a pasar malam session with annee, yiling and lam, where they bought new screen protectors and covers for their almost one day old iphone 4

today they came to see the puppy, heh they like moopie alot ;)

today i get to go home, take a shower, make a drink and sleep in my bed, while it rains outside

today i can close a file, and start a new one tomorrow.

i think i did quite a number of things today, with friends and all
maybe i didnt get all the ticks on the list of 'what has to be done today',
but i think i had a 24 hrs day, which is the only requirement to close a file

he didnt have a full 24 hours today.
i bet he only got half of the ticks on the 'to do' list today.
maybe even less than that.
why him? sigh is there even an answer to that question
if only there was one, at least we would have an explanation, a report.

it wont be sufficient even then would it? no matter what answer.
he was a great person, a nice guy. a super smart one too
what did he do to deserve this?
nothing right?
nobody deserves death somehow

why him then, why now?
why does he get his today and tomorrows taken away, when they are worth so much

in new york, concrete jungles where dreams are made of huh

his dream was destroyed there, along with his future.

and to see the impact he left in everyone's lives from high school to uni
from before and after today.
amazing person u are bryan.
one that the CH-ians will always remember.
i guess now he only doesnt exist when we forget,
but we never will

and so, how was ur file today?

I'm falling even more in love with You
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until You make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with You
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with You

-lifehouse

went up to genting with hannatan, jaylyn, sarah, nic, colin and shaun
cold air, starbucks, cards, friends, conversations, laughs, complaints, oh and jln ipoh hokkien mee :)

went up around 4 and reached at 5.45 -6 i think. stoopid gps. and the horrid kl traffic jam. ugh
there is nothing like traffic jams in KL. especially the one going towards the heart of kl. for example: jln TAR >:(

played monopoly deal and everyone kept bullying hannatan, nick and shaun. poor hannatan had nothing left at one point.
drank ice blended green tea frapp. sho smart of me.
was shivering by the time we finished our drinks and the 2nd round of monopoly deal.
and to think i was gonna wear shorts up, heh.
and all hannatan brought up was a pathetic shawl.
was shivering from the start till we went down. hahahha
halfway up genting, someone asked why dont we stay a night
i suddenly remembered abt the apartment sony has up there -.-
rah! i shouldve asked for the keys and permission :((
was actually thinking of hotels before this. sigh. stoopid.
in the end we had to leave early cz nic's parents were spending the night in gohtong jaya.
and he didnt tell them that he was gonna drive up.
his dad even asked him whether he was in the casino. LOL

and so i found out
cold air + starbucks + cards + friends + conversations + laughs + complaints + hokkien mee

is like drug

we need to do this againnnn ! :))

sigh want to sleep.
to numb the feeling of being punched in the stomach
but sleep, it brings tomorrow
making it today

emilia the great

thanks for sacrificing your time for others,
and your time for Him.
thanks for putting others above yourself,
and Him above everything else.
thanks for being a role model for us,
with Him as yours.
thanks for being such a blessing to us,
and thank You for blessing us with her.

i guess He decided the people there need you more than we do now.
bring her back okay? in one piece.
have a great 10 months over there
go make Him glad :)



thanks for letting me be your friend

imperfections

had a great dinner last night. was talking when a friend suddenly mentioned, "i dont know whether it's normal or am i being too "calvary". haha. it was so funny but so true. sigh.
i guess back there it was all about how good we can sing, how good we can play, how good we looked, how good we sounded.

we sounded great, we looked great, we performed well. to an extent we even had youth concerts, shows, productions and got one big crowd of audience.

it started off well, a sacrifice.
then it became a show for the world.

our first time here, many could not even concentrate on worship. the music was too loud and the mics too soft, is something wrong with the sound system, why arent the singers giving signs to change, or giving signs to the musicians to change, theyre not singing in sync, the beats were off, why hasnt the screen changed to the chorus yet?

lol it sounded weird at first, dont get me wrong. it was good, but it wasnt anything like back then. music back there sounded great, after 12341234 hours of practice every week. ppl there were disciplined, on their toes, the lyrics had to be in sync, the singers would hv to come in on cue, ready to get their show on, and to make it look great.
cz they know if it didnt, they would hv to go up to the "holy of holies" and "get it" for an hour or more.

it wouldn't be a sacrifice then would it, if they were forced to give their best, till it became a burden, or worse, a show.

talked to waikin quite some time ago.
told him abt all the stuff we did back then. and said something like if u think they sound good here, u should come to calvary some day last time.
lol and he said sth like: thats cz u just pick those who are great, but not those who worship.

then it dawned on me how we were always emphasizing on being perfect back there. being great for the world to see. it was great for the world, but was it of any value at all to God

sometimes being good, does not mean it is right; being great, does not mean that it is of any worth.

guess we focused too much on what the world will think of us, rather than what does God think of it

we hid our imperfections, first from the world, and then from God.
ps andy said " let ur scars be someone else's stars". it really should be.

funny how a church has become a place for the perfects, and not the imperfects. the ppl who drink, who smoke, or who are different or weird in our eyes, it is like ppl are even embarrassed by their presence in church. that church would not be a holy place anymore, with these inside.

and He loves us the same.

guess we are still like that deep down. still imperfect, as much as them. and even more. what gives us the right to look at them differently, the right to judge.

at least they've got nothing to hide from the world or from Him.
why can't we be like that too.
instead of giving something that was great, why can't we give something of worth.
instead of being perfect, i guess sometimes it is when we are imperfect that God can do more. but we need to show Him that in the first place.

But he replied, "My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak." So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am. Yes, I am glad to be weak or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong.
2 corinthians 12:9-10

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are

no time no time no time no time no time :((((

am writing like 5 and a half essays per day *pats self on the back*
but its not enoughhh rawrrrr!!!

i still have to flip the book while writing every single thing. ugh what a loser.

rahhh! i dowana study anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeee :(

my friends just cried yday.
one called her dad and he was like: dun worry ah girl.. i saved up money for u to study another year ady. ur only 20 yrs old, theres still a long way to go. u dont need to finish everything in 3 yrs.

O.O her dad is soooo merciful!!

if i fail, my parents are gonna killlll meeee
i dont think there would even be a body for anyone to see and mourn

gahh! i need a bigger brain :(

and i need to buy pens to write in exams! o gosh i NEVER buy pens
theyre such a waste of money when u can just pick them up from the floor
but these few days, the students in help hv nt been very generous.
my cousin said i used to be able to get like 2 pens in 5 days.
now i get like 1 pen in 3 weeks? :(

it was even better in high school, when the pens were g2s and g1s
oh the joy of discovering one of them on the floor and adopting it
after asking the ppl around whether anyone dropped their pen of course.
and of course u only ask like 5 ppl? haha :D

its reasonable right? 5 ppl. ive tried reasonably to find the owner. so it's not theft right??
:D

but now ppl have gotten stingy. maybe its the economic i guess, ever since it got worse.
nobody leaves pens around anymore :(

and the one i want costs around rm1.50!
SO EXPENSIVE! sigh.

deposits

come back! :( it wasnt enough

exams are like 3 weeks away? lol i guess it is about time to start panicking.
i need a wake up call.

had a good laugh today with the gang. haha power socket kononnya, with a switch and the wire to go with it.


had this thought somewhere last year end. its kindof fading away now,
shall write this thought down before it leaves my memory.

how did we come to love Him in the first place? what passed through our minds when we were kids in that CW class saying that sinner's prayer? i can tell u mine was yay, now i wont end up in hell. yes, clearly it wasnt purely out of love.

love for Him was once 'so that i can go to heaven' or rather 'so that i will not burn in hell'

take heaven and hell away from the picture,
will our love still be the same? will we still choose Him in the first place
was our love for our salvation more than our love for Him.
how more conditional can our love for Him be?

when are we going to love Him for what He is.

funny how it doesnt matter to Him whether He is what we choose eventually.
His love, unconditional


we love, because He first loved us - 1john 4:19
dont think He knows of the word 'because' when it comes to love, He just loves.

crisis

help conveniently decided to reformat their computers in the law library on sat :(( how nice of them

how do i harvest my plants nowww?? :((

the library has lost its purpose

need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm need to farm